I have Selective Mutism but that subreddit has a very small amount of people and it’s kinda intimidating. I’ve started isolating myself almost completely. I started homeschool a few weeks ago and really haven’t been doing my work, im so used to the regular school environment now it just feels like i don’t have to do anything.
The only people I talk to irl are my dad and brother cause they live in the same house as me. Me and my dad get into arguments a lot. My mom lives in a different house but I don’t hang out with her much, she makes me kinda anxious.
Anywhere i go i feel anxious. My favorite place to be is a movie theater but popcorn lines and crowded theaters scare me, i wouldn’t know what to say if somebody walked up to me and if I do say something I always regret it. Like even if it went well i’ll still find a way to view what i said as wrong.
I have 2 online “friends” but i’m not sure if they consider me friends. One I met on reddit and we mostly just talk about how our days went. The other I met on twitter and recently added on snapchat. She’s messaging me on snap rn and i’m too scared to open it, i hope she doesn’t think i’m ignoring her.
When I was in regular school I only had one person I ever talked to. We weren’t really friends but we met in 4th grade and held on to eachother even though we have nothing in common anymore.
I regret every social interaction, whether it be online or irl. I never have the right thing to say.
I started seeing a new therapist who has dealt with Selective Mutism and you can tell she works more with little kids the way her office is laid out. Our first appointment was about a week ago and I never ended up saying a word to her (that’s part of my SM, therapy never works out.) I also have a psychiatrist who gives me meds and I don’t talk to her either.
I really just wanna break down and cry rn. Nothing has ever helped. I’ve taken so many drugs, seen so many therapists, heck i even went to a Selective Mutism camp this summer with a bunch of other teens but that didn’t even help.